English Irregular Verbs:

I have an independent mind, you are an eccentric, he is around the twist.

Wife: Darling, will you kill the flies in here?

Husband: OK

Wife: (some time later) Did you get any?

Husband: Yes, six. Four male and two females.

Wife: How can you tell?

Husband: Four were on a beer can, two were on the phone.

Elephant drinking from a river sees a turtle sleeping on a log, walks over, kicks it right across the river.

Giraffe says, ‘Why did you do that?’

Elephant: ‘Because I recognized that turtle. He bit my trunk fifty-three years ago.’

Giraffe: ‘Wow! What a memory!’

Elephant: ‘Yes. Turtle recall.’

Stupid/ Profound? Funny Headlines: (Stanley Scism’s comments in this font)

Youth Hit By Car Riding Bicycle (newspaper headline) that’s one agile car!

‘A community policeman stopped him for not riding a motorcycle while wearing a helmet, York magistrates heard.’ Evening Post (York, England)

‘According to Colonial War Memorial Hospital staff, the woman was brought in after the accident by witnesses at the scene and was taken in for obliteration.’ Daily Post (Fiji)

I hope they mean ‘interrogation.’