One cousin-in-law asks, ‘Do you think your name is Solomon, he had so many wives he lost his way?’
My English woman-friends would agree that English wives know what they're talking about. One says, ‘Oh, but of course, Stanley’. Another says, ‘’That’s the Brits’ way—we are strong-willed.’
A friend from college years suggests, ‘Try the WAZE app on your phone it normally gives great advice and will even help you eliminate traffic...I know for awhile they had Madea's voice available and it was hilarious.’ I think that if they're going to do celebrity voices, some top options would be John Gielgud, Gregory Peck, Richard Burton, Sharon Stone and Meryl Streep in probably 14 or so varieties--she does so many accents. A friends suggest I add James Mason. Good idea. And James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman.
Another friend asks, ‘How about Klingon or Vulcan? You could receive a warriors orders or logical instructions.’
And a friend says that when her teen son was setting up my IPhone, he mentioned setting up SIRI. When she asked, ‘SIRI?’, he said, you can ask her things ‘. She had heard him do this, but said, ‘Wait just a minute: my SIRI is not a her, it's a him, with a British accent.’ Her son looked at her in disbelief, but she says, ‘It's all good, my SIRI- he's usually very helpful’.
One evening, for a change my American wife was right about the directions to the church I spoke in. (And don't say, 'Don't end a sentence with a preposition'. As Winston Churchill said, 'That is an impertinence up with which I will not put.')
Another day while driving along the highway, I saw a sign for Tennessee Williams' boyhood home. I'd already visited Hank Williams' boyhood home (in Alabama). I turned off the highway, and both wives shouted at me to get back on the highway. I ignored their noisy protestations and frenzied suggestions to turn left here or right there, and got to his house, only to discover that it was closed for President's Day. As I turned again, both wives muttered in an 'I-told-you-so' sort of way. Such recalculating women!
A friend says he set his phone navigator to Spanish so he could learn it, but then it also changed all the written app settings controls to spanish as well, so he had a very hard time trying to change it back to English because he didn't know what half of the settings meant. His mom had a desktop computer with chinese windows, so that was a whole bunch of guess work when he tried to be her tech support.
My American wife speaks more slowly and chooses the shortest route. My English wife speaks more quickly and chooses the fastest route--she like the animals in Aesop's fable (as dramatized by Sterling Holloway on a Disney album) shouting, "Race! Race! Race!". So life with the high-strung English wife can be a bit frantic and nervous, but fun, while life with the easy-going American wife can be a bit meandering in the slow lane, yet relaxing.