Initiative, perception, weapons skills, speed.  What would you say this German Shepherd police dog is lacking?

Suspect behind car fires gun (see smoke from muzzle).
In very timely fashion, dog leaps over car roof, clamps on, brings him down.  The dog is so fast, you have watch this more than once to see what happened

Swine Flu Prevention Tip #1

Posted on December 15th, 2007 by Robin Bloor in R&R
In the very early days of email—prior to the Internet, the following email became a virus mail. I have no idea whether the characters referred to in it are real or whether the letter was ever written. Perhaps so, perhaps not.
The story behind the letter (reproduced below) is that there is a nutball in Newport, VT, named Williams, who digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC, labeling them with scientific names, and insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway… here’s an actual response to one of his submissions from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this in mind next time you think you are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing.
___________________________________
Smithsonian Institution
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post… Hominid skull.”
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.
Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be “Malibu Barbie.” It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen, which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-homonids.
The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
Clams don’t have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino.
Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin. However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.
You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating-fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe Chief Curator—Antiquities

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.  Hillary got $8 million for hers.  That’s $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn’t remember anything.

1.  Stay out of trouble.

2.  Aim for greater heights.

3.  Stay focused on your job.

4. Exercise to maintain good health.

5.  Rest and relax.

6.  Always take time to smile.

7.  Realize that nothing is impossible.

Seven days without prayer makes one weak

Forbidden fruit creates many jams

We have a prophet-sharing plan

Redemption:  God’s Recycling Plan

Want the Last Word?  Apologize

Forgiveness makes a soft pillow.

Or the retorts on http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/wuz/2006/03/church_sign_sma.html

LOT’S WIFE: The Sunday School teacher told how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, ‘My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,’ he announced triumphantly, ‘and she turned into a telephone pole!’

GOOD SAMARITAN: A Sunday school teacher told her class about the Good Samaritan, and asked, ‘If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?’ A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, ‘I think I’d throw up.’

DID NOAH FISH?: A Sunday school teacher asked, ‘Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?’ ‘No,’ replied Johnny. ‘How could he, with just two worms?’
MOSES AND THE RED SEA: His mother asked nine-year-old Joey what he learned in Sunday School. ‘Our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.’ ‘Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?’ ‘No, Mom, but if I told it the way she did, you’d never believe it.’

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD: A Sunday School teacher decided to have her class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible–Psalm 23. She gave them a month to learn it. Little Rick was excited but he couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, he was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped to the microphone and said proudly, ‘The Lord is my Shepherd and that’s all I need to know.’

UNANSWERED PRAYER: The preacher’s five- year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. ‘Honey,’ he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, ‘I ask the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.’ She asked, ‘How come he doesn’t answer?’

BEING THANKFUL: A pastor said to a precocious six-year-old boy, ‘So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?’ The boy replied, ‘Thank God he’s in bed!’

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER: During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, a loud whistle from one of the back pews pierced the air. Tommy’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and after church asked, ‘Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?’ Tommy answered, soberly, ‘I asked God to teach me to whistle, and he did!’

TIME TO PRAY: A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. ‘Yes, sir.’ ‘And do you always say them in the morning, too?’ ‘No, sir. I’m not scared in the daytime.’

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS: When one girl said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, ‘And all girls.’ This Closing soon became part of her nightly routine. Her parent finally asked, ‘Why do you always add the part about all girls?’ Her response, ‘Because everybody else always finishes their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!’

SAY A PRAYER: Johnny and his family ate dinner this Sunday at Grandma’s house. Everyone sat around the table as the food was served. When Johnny received his, he started eating right away. ‘Johnny! Please wait until we pray,’ said his mother. ‘I don’t need to,’ the boy replied. ‘Of course, you do,’ his mother insisted. ‘We always pray before eating at our house.’ ‘That’s at our house,’ Johnny explained. ‘But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!’

The National Highway Safety Council extensively tested a newly designed seat belt. Results show accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated  below…….

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB: